All my life I have been reading romance novels. I remember back to when I was in high school when I would go to the public library and see if they had the new romance novels out. Most of the romance novels were so cheesy, but to a fat, shy 17 year old this was the rage!!! I used to always think that as I got older that I would have that kind of romance..... A man would come along as I was in the grocery store and sweep me off my feet (literally and figuratively) and we would drive off into the sunset together and live life happily ever!! NOT!! That did not happen!! Then when I got to college, I remember going to the library, this time while I was on summer break when I wasn't working.. I was always reading a book!! Romance novels, especially by an African American author. I even thought about writing my own novel (Since I had the bachelor's degree in English.. I mean why not?? I can edit my own book!! No need to hire someone). Then it hit me-- My own romantic life was far from a fantasy, it was cruel reality.
I've never been swept off my feet, but this has allowed me to have an unrealistic idea of romance. Reading all those books for so many years has really warped my mind when it comes to romance. Now as I get older, I see how my mind really is my worst enemy. My idea of romance is being wined and dined with a kiss on the cheek as I walk to my door. NOT having to pick the MAN up, and pay for the meal as well. I may as well date my 80 year old grandfather (And get good conversation in the process). I mean, don't get me wrong, if I have the money, I don't mind paying for the meal.. It's just that I think that the man is supposed to pay!
Talking to a cool college friend of mine (he's married with an adorable son) told me that I put too much emphasis on NOT having sex with someone that I just need to stop denying myself of carnal pleasures. He also told me that many men expect for the woman to put out after the 3rd date, or else he'll lose interest. That was kind of shock to hear, but at the same time it makes sense. I really understand what he's saying. The main reason I don't have sex is because I don't like going back to an EX and I'm not going to have random sex with some man from the internet. It is a crazy world out here and I am not going to jeopardize my health just for getting a nut.. Nope!! So I shut it down.. I know I have coochie cobwebs, but the right man will come along and blow those away (pun intended). But really, what my Black Dr. Phil told me makes sense. He told me to put myself out there and see what happens.. Alas, that's where the shyness comes in and I'm almost 28.. Too old to be shy right?? I just can't help it. I am more of a background person, not foreground. I like doing things behind the scenes instead of being in the front row. I've always been that way. I guess it's the only child syndrome. And what man that you know wants to date a shy woman?? Oh well, that's just another thing I have to get over.
Romance me.. Wine Me.. Dine Me... You May GET Me!!
Mere♥
