Umm.. Not So Sweet

I haven't posted in forever.....  But I'll give an update of what's been going on

Well I met my first "friend" from Tagged and his name is B. B showed problems from the beginning: he was too clingy & needy from text messages ALONE.. So I could only imagine how he would be in person, but me being a nice person, I decided to give him a try.. He had good conversation, and seemed like he was intelligent, and for those who know me, intelligence is a turn on, more than physical attraction. But here's the kicker.. He didn't have a JOB or a CAR and he had a DAUGHTER!! This should have been the red flag, but then again, I'll admit it, I was tired of being alone and by myself & there is only so much WORKING ON YOURSELF that you can do.. So I give B a chance. Well.. Our first date, we went bowling and he paid #Shocker and that was a good thing. We went to eat dinner later at Double T Diner and I paid cause I have to eat (being diabetic and all) food is kinda a priority. He didn't want to eat, but hell I did and he did end up getting a chicken sandwich. So we had a good conversation and he kept telling me that it was cute that I was shy.. I'm like really? A shy 27 year old woman is cute? But meh.. to each his own. But anyways, he texted me constantly the next day at work to the point where my clients were asking me who was that blowing up my phone... #Sad. So we kept in contact and I kept telling him that I am a person that loves to go out and he kept insisting that we go "chill" in his room (He lives with his sister, brother-in-law and their 4 children no less) and I kept telling him that I am NOT going to sit in his musty ass room & watch a movie.. #NoBueno

Fast Forward.... I came to the realization that he has more drama & problems than me and I need a whole man, not a man who is borderline 49.99%. I need someone who is able to support me (not even money wise all the time) and someone who is ABLE TO PAY FOR A MEAL!!!! So we went to Ledo Pizza and he was like because he hadn't ate all day (not my fault) that he didn't think he didn't have enough money to pay for pizza & drinks too and that we should just eat at his house in his room.. No less. I was like hell no! I didn't get my hair done earlier that day and get all dressed up (I was looking cute too) to eat pizza and a diet soda in his room!!! He didn't get that!! Now people who know me know that I'm not mean, but with this person I have to be Mean Mere and be blunt as hell!!!

The kicker was when he told me that his sister (4 kids & no job) stole his BUS FARE & he couldn't get to work (temp agency). That was the straw that broke the camel's back!! I was disgusted! This MAN didn't even have enough money to get on the bus. It was then that I realized that he didn't want to do better in life and I couldn't be with someone like that. And then the biggest issue that I had is that he always smoked weed!!! I dislike weed for personal reasons and he was always high. He told me that he has this miracle "serum" to clean his pee out if he took a urinalysis at work! The sensible option would be STOP SMOKING.. But no.. He would rather spend his last $$$ on a nickel bag and roll up like Wiz Khalifa.. Not cool.

So I told myself that I didn't even like him anymore. He brings NOTHING to the table and I feel like I'm dating a child instead of a 30 year old man!! So I'm ALONE... Again.

Well on a good note, I'm getting back into the gym. I guess I have my inspiration back (insider) and I do want to be a size smaller by my 28th birthday on July 22nd... So I officially have 44 days left to lose a pant size.. I want to get to a size 20, especially fitting Old Navy jeans!! That's my ultimate goal! I can't wait to go back and work out!! Planet Fitness here I come!!!

That's a bit all.. I say this prayer every night:
Dear Lord, please send me a whole man who loves me unconditionally!!!

Peace & Love,

Mere ♥

Sweet Romance

All my life I have been reading romance novels. I remember back to when I was in high school when I would go to the public library and see if they had the new romance novels out. Most of the romance novels were so cheesy, but to a fat, shy 17 year old this was the rage!!! I used to always think that as I got older that I would have that kind of romance..... A man would come along as I was in the grocery store and sweep me off my feet (literally and figuratively) and we would drive off into the sunset together and live life happily ever!! NOT!! That did not happen!! Then when I got to college, I remember going to the library, this time while I was on summer break when I wasn't working.. I was always reading a book!! Romance novels, especially by an African American author. I even thought about writing my own novel (Since I had the bachelor's degree in English.. I mean why not?? I can edit my own book!! No need to hire someone). Then it hit me-- My own romantic life was far from a fantasy, it was cruel reality.

I've never been swept off my feet, but this has allowed me to have an unrealistic idea of romance. Reading all those books for so many years has really warped my mind when it comes to romance. Now as I get older, I see how my mind really is my worst enemy. My idea of romance is being wined and dined with a kiss on the cheek as I walk to my door. NOT having to pick the MAN up, and pay for the meal as well. I may as well date my 80 year old grandfather (And get good conversation in the process). I mean, don't get me wrong, if I have the money, I don't mind paying for the meal.. It's just that I think that the man is supposed to pay!

Talking to a cool college friend of mine (he's married with an adorable son) told me that I put too much emphasis on NOT having sex with someone that I just need to stop denying myself of carnal pleasures. He also told me that many men expect for the woman to put out after the 3rd date, or else he'll lose interest. That was kind of shock to hear, but at the same time it makes sense. I really understand what he's saying. The main reason I don't have sex is because I don't like going back to an EX and I'm not going to have random sex with some man from the internet. It is a crazy world out here and I am not going to jeopardize my health just for getting a nut.. Nope!! So I shut it down.. I know I have coochie cobwebs, but the right man will come along and blow those away (pun intended). But really, what my Black Dr. Phil told  me makes sense. He told me to put myself out there and see what happens.. Alas, that's where the shyness comes in and I'm almost 28.. Too old to be shy right?? I just can't help it. I am more of a background person, not foreground. I like doing things behind the scenes instead of being in the front row. I've always been that way. I guess it's the only child syndrome. And what man that you know wants to date a shy woman?? Oh well, that's just another thing I have to get over.

Romance me.. Wine Me.. Dine Me... You May GET Me!!

Mere♥