Bittersweet

Well today my beautiful grandmother turned 81 years old today. She is such a beautiful woman and I would love to be half the woman that she is today. She has accepted me for who I am and has never told me anything that has steered me wrong.. 

However.. She has had conversations with her best friend, my mother, her hair dresser and even her neighbors asking them when I am going to have some children because I am getting old.. Well damn! I know that I'll be 28 in two months and the fact that my mother was married at 24 and had me at 26 isn't looking good for my case!! But on the other hand, I haven't found ANYONE that I wanted to have kids with. Now, I am not throwing shade at any of my exes.. They all have good qualities, just not father material. I don't want to have a child with someone who has to grow along with a baby.. That's not cool to me. But I really do want children, I just don't want to be a single parent, because my mother was (due to circumstances beyond our control). My mother did an amazing job raising me, by just accepting me means the most to me, but at the same time I can see how hard things were for her, which is why I was a relatively good child. I didn't act crazy, get pregnant at 16 or drop out of college........ But when my grandmother told my mother that she really wanted some great-grandkids while she was still alive really hurt me and made me open my eyes. I have such a supportive family and extended family, that even if I went out & got pregnant tomorrow I would be okay. But something is holding me back.. I don't know if it's my own fear or not. But I do want kids.. I was even thinking about IVF In vitro fertilization because I don't know anyone that I can see being connected to for LIFE with a child involved. My mother told me that if I didn't have a child by age 30, she would be open to me doing it in the IVF way and she would help with everything. Hmm.. That's a possibility. But I am keeping hope alive like Jesse Jackson.

I really do want to have a child, I just want to do it right (I'm not a control freak or anything). Like the old childhood rhyme goes "Chimere & ___ sitting in a tree.. K-I-S-S-I-N-G.. First comes love, then comes marriage then comes the baby in a baby carriage". This is old fashioned, but I am old fashioned too, which I've realized recently.  I love dinner & a movie... I love going to an art gallery & a picnic on the grass... I love an after the date kiss!!... But people have become so non-traditional in the way they live their life,  that the simple things don't come before them anymore... Ho Hum

Well. I'm still doing the Tagged thing... And some people have had jobs, cars & no kids.. So we shall see. I'm giving it another chance and being more open minded (see previous posts) into men of Baltimore.. We shall see!!

But anyways.. Happy Birthday Mama! I love you!! 81 years young!! ;)

Mere ;)

Sweetest Thing

Hey Blog World.. Nothing has been going on, just working and being unappreciated.. Which is nothing new. My life is like plain white rice, nothing spectacular, just blah!! I need to find something fun and spicy for the summer because my birthday is coming up and I refuse to spend 28 at home with my mother watching a RedBox and eating Chinese food!! #NoBueno.

Okay.. My best friend told me that I need to "compromise" when a guy that I am interested in doesn't have a car.. That's just something I can't see myself doing. I mean, it took me 6 times to get my license (I couldn't parallel park to save my life and I still can't really park.... 3 years later!!) I drive all the time at my job and it takes me 45-50 miles to get to work, depending on what route I take. And then to top it off, I am driving my clients around at work all day, so some days I drive 100+ miles... So then to have to come home, shower and pick up some grown man and take US out... Sorry honey I just can't do that!! I like being a passenger.. The feeling of relaxing in the car, while someone else drives is a good feeling! Being able to lay back instead of driving feels good!! And many of the men of Baltimore don't seem to understand this and my reluctance in not talking to them. Now I am in no position to judge anyone, but at the same time, getting around on the bus, light rail and subway must get old after a while. I know when I would come home from college and I had to walk up the hill on my street to get on the bus was NOT the business!!! But... I think that I'll be more flexible in that aspect.. BUT HE HAS TO IMPRESS ME!!! I'm a simple person to please, actually.. I am laid back but at the same time I like things to be planned out as well. I will compromise and watch a RedBox with you, but you have to let me pick the movie (LOL).
All in all I know where my bestie is coming from and I need to be more open minded and give people chances when the really need them..So I think I will ;) ♥

Well Mother's Day is coming and I don't know what to get my mother and grandmother. My grandmother is 80 and she has everything. I think I'll surprise her and send her a bouquet of flowers from ProFlowers. I may send my mother one as well. That will definitely surprise her to tears! She's so emotional, just like me ;)

So far I've been on Tagged browsing through the amazing (sarcasm) men that Baltimore has to offer. So far, I haven't really connected with anyone and I've only given my number to 2 men and it seemed like Man # 1 (age 37) was playing games and only wanted to relax at his Lodge (he's a Mason) and not spend time with me.. I sent him a text at 6pm on a Friday asking him what he was doing later and he had the nerve to ask me why? I'm like you're 37, you should know why someone wants to see you. A movie and a dinner is harmless and doesn't take much planning or money.. I mean I can eat an appetizer if you are strapped for money.. Better yet, I'll pay for my own meal! But his old ass wasn't getting the hint, so there goes another one down the drain.. Number and text messages erased!!!!
Man #2 had it all going for him.. Own car, own house, good job with benefits. Then we had the "sex" conversation and then when I told him that I was abstinent, he quickly changed and the phone calls and text messages stopped! I mean damn, does someone  have to act like a WHORE to get response from a man.. No way Jose.. I'll just have my Haagen Dazs and my $1.06 RedBox movies to keep me warm at night!! I am not compromising my values and morals just to say "I Have A Man"!!!!!

It's the freakin' wekeend and baby I wanna have some fun.. I may go out to the movies tonight. I wanna see "Jumping the Broom" and "Madea's Big Happy Family". I wish they had a double feature for cheap, but not in Baltimore!! I really just want some popcorn with the fake butter and salt... #GuiltyPleasure !

Peace n Blessings,

Mere ♥